By Sue Seydel

Sometimes I think I can see what’s coming. You know how you put two and two together and think you’ve got it all figured out, and then you find out that you are very wrong? Well, that’s the beginning of this story.

Last summer, our 18-year-old son, Jonathan, wanted to talk to us about something important. I told my husband, Roy, that I knew what it was. He wanted to buy a new car! I “knew” that because he’d been driving my car and it was in better condition than his. I was pretty sure of myself.

Roy and I took Jonathan into our bedroom and closed the door for privacy. We got comfy on our bed to listen as our son started to share his news. He had an envelope in his hand; of course I “knew” that it was a brochure of the car! He shared how he had talked to some people and had made a decision to do something. I couldn’t stand it any longer; my pride got the best of me.

“Okay, let’s see the brochure for the new car you want to buy,” I said. He pulled out a shiny brochure and laid it on the bed. “United States Army,” it said. Wait a minute, they don’t sell cars! I was in shock. It’s kind of like going to meet with the boss thinking that you’re getting a raise and instead you get fired. Our son wants to join the military!

No. I won’t let him. Every morning I read the newspaper and this morning four more marines had died. No! I won’t let my son be a casualty.  I told my son, through tears, that I was not signing anything. “Mom, I’m eighteen years old! You don’t need to sign anything,” he said. My emotions were crazy. How could I keep him from joining the Army? I didn’t want to lose my son. All I could think was, “What can I do to make him change his mind?”

This was a learning time for me. Jonathan was set on moving forward with his plans and his strong-willed mother couldn’t change a thing.

Roy held me as I cried and though he looked calm, he told me he couldn’t fathom the idea of our little boy leaving home. That evening I sobbed in my bed. In my head I was imagining his military picture in the newspaper like the many other young soldiers. I was thinking how empty life would be when he was killed in the war. Wait! Stop! What was I thinking? “Lord, I will not do this!” I cried out, “I will not spend my nights crying myself to sleep and planning my son’s funeral.” I was wrapped up in fear and worry, and I had lost sight of where I could place my trust.

I decided that night that I would give up my son. Not to the United States Army or to “the war” or to death, but to God. When the wicked thoughts of what might happen came flooding in to my mind, I determined to turn those thoughts into prayer and praise to the Lord.

The next morning, the Lord clearly spoke to me and said, “I love Jonathan even more than you ever could. I knew him before he was formed in your womb. I have never taken my eyes off of him for eighteen years; do you really think I would turn my back on him now?” Whoa! Wow!

God imparted His peace to me that day. Jonathan is not my child, he belongs to Jesus. There is nothing I can do to direct his life.  If I trust in the Lord with all of my heart, and lean NOT on my own understanding, and if I acknowledge Him in all of my ways, He will direct my paths. (Proverbs 3:5-6) And Not just my paths, but also the path of my son.

It has been almost a year since Jonathan told us “the news”. God has done amazing things. He has put Christians in my path to encourage me, He has used both Christians and non-Christians to help change our son’s path to his dream of serving in the Air Force ( WHEW!), and He has saved me from fear.

“I will love You, O LORD, my strength. The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, My God, my strength, in whom I will trust; My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. I will call upon the LORD, who is worthy to be praised: so shall I be saved from my enemies.” (Psalm 18:1-3) My enemy was fear.

Whatever your enemy is…fear, addictions, people…God can deliver you and save you. God is in charge. We just have to direct our focus to our Rock, our Deliverer, our Stronghold. I pray that God will help you to trust in Him with all your heart. I pray that He would give you peace in the midst of your circumstances. May He be your strength and your shield.

(Originally published in The Seeds of Life Summer 2005 – a publication of the Calvary San Diego Women’s Ministry.)

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